Around the Well...

aroundthewell-4
Originally uploaded by Michael McMullen

I have a couple of pictures on Flickr from in and around Jacob's Well. This picture is of a crack in the sidewalk right outside the front door of the church.

Fight the good fight...

Think about the story of mankind's original sin. The story is familiar to everyone. Satan, in the form of a serpent, tempts Adam and Eve to eat of the fruit that would give them the knowledge of good and evil. Thinking about that story today I, started thinking about the motive behind the tempter.

I could practically hear the thought process of Satan as Eve brought the fruit to her lips. "Do you see God? I am going to destroy everything that's yours!"

Along the same lines of yesterdays post, I started thinking about the death of innocence, and how it is not really a slow and peaceful one. Often, innocence dies a violent death at the hands of evil forces. Anytime a child in introduced to the concept of hating another person for any reason, the apple has been shoved into their throat.

This brought to mind the verse that says "we do not fight against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers."

Our church has recently been looking at the ideas of pacifism, Jesus' teachings about peace, turning the other cheek and all that. I fear I may have misrepresented myself in the early discussion, because it has been my life long belief that those are some of the tenets of Christianity. I have modeled much of my behavior based on those very principles. But I still feel "the fight" in my gut. Youthful male bravado? Perhaps. And no.

The "fight" that I feel in my gut is the fight against the forces that want to destroy the progress of the Kingdom. It's the spiritual blood lust that cheered at the crushing of the serpents head under Jesus' heel. The fight is what drives me, with Spartan like determination and vigilance, to make sure every child entrusted to my care is safe. Safe from the temptation and the tempter. Safe from the violent oppression that wants to take the innocent gleam from their eyes.

Make no mistake, the Prince of the World is no pacifist. He seeks to "steal, kill, and destroy". Against the forces of evil, we cannot sit idly by. Against men, compassion. Fight hate, with love. It's not anti-climatic, nor less masculine, to turn the other cheek. It is the most daring, revolutionary action that a man can take. "A gentle answer turns away wrath" (Proverbs 15:1). That means that you have to be in wrath's face...staring it down.

I will not suppress the "fight". I will unleash the brutal fury of unconditional love against all those who seek to destroy me and my community. I will grit my teeth and brace myself like a man against the onslaught of hate and prejudice. I will hold my shield strong against the spears and arrows of the tempters army.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

A hope and a prayer...

Last night, I wrote something in my journal that I felt I should share, at least partially. It was "The List of Things I Wish I Had Never Learned About". I often feel that I've learned things, or been exposed to things, that have not helped my general make-up as a human being. And, once you learn it, you can't unlearn it. So I'm burdened with knowledge of certain things that I can't ignore. As I grow older, the list grows. Therein lies one of my fundamental problems with growing up. Innocence does not die a peaceful death.

When I say "I wish I had never learned about", I am not talking about being blissfully ignorant about (though, there is that). I'm talking about things that I wish weren't even up for discussion universally. Things I wish didn't exist. Things that we as people shouldn't be burdened with knowing about.

Things like pedophilia, racism, dishonesty, and hurt feelings. Can we all agree that our world would be a better place if these items never had to be mentioned, because they didn't exist?

Sadly, this isn't the case.

These are the reasons that I want my faith to be sight. It's why I can't put my faith or trust in this world. It's why I have no hope for a future that doesn't include a Second Coming.

“The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little” - Mark Twain

“To the question whether I am a pessimist or an optimist, I answer that my knowledge is pessimistic, but my willing and hoping are optimistic” - Albert Schweitzer

My hope, my only hope, is for the day when I can burn that list. When I can honestly say that the knowledge of such things is no longer an issue.

Until then, I will not be able to ignore the problems of the world. I can, however, do my small part to ease the transition. By being part of a community that loves, cares, and protects those inside...and outside. By expanding the circle to include...everyone. By truth. By love.

Yes, Lord Jesus...come soon. Until then, be with us. Always.

Liturgy...

I have been looking for something to get excited about in my artistic pursuits for the past several weeks. I would catch glimpses of what it might be, but could never really put my finger on it. Then one day I heard about a church in Portland that has an Artists House as not only a ministry but also as a way of keeping that church stocked with fresh art.

That's what I had been missing. Art...as worship. Not merely a creative expression of my self.

The above piece is both a beginning and a continuation of a series. I have been doing this style for several years now, but want to use it to explore different specific themes. One of those is the liturgy. Not in a religious or pious sense, but in a meditative sense. Using the colors, icons, and symbols of liturgical disciplines and studies as a means to express greater themes.

This image is an exaggeration of that idea. I picked up some books at the library that define the different symbols, colors, and images used for centuries in the church. So, in this image, the colors, symbol and positions of the figures have specific meanings.

Blue is the color of hope. Placing it at the top of the page represents an ascending hope...a hope of what is to come. Green is the color of growth and life. Placing it at the bottom of the page represents an earthly existence. The people on the left and right represent us, the church body, as we worship on earth...and touch the hope of what is to come. The figure in the middle is Christ (as defined by the halo with the cross symbol). Inhabiting both worlds, and with arms extended both towards the heavens and the earth.

I don't know yet if this is a proof of concept or a final draft, but I do plan on doing more work along these same lines.

White lights in the night...

I had a two part dream last night.

-Part one-

I have seen Avatar, but not in 3D yet (I emphasize 'yet'). So, I went down there to check it out. When I got there, I learned that, due to people becoming depressed after seeing it, the downtown theater decided to stop showing it when they got protests. I was a bit upset about this.

Fortunately, a friend of mine, Daniel, was building an expansion on the property and he knew the theater manager. He and I went and got fellow sci-fi aficionado, Jim. We staged our own little protest (and letter writing campaign). The theater said they would show it for one more week. Since Jim and Daniel had already seen it, I went alone.

-Part two-

I was talking with a guy who said he lost a very valuable artifact in South America. I said I knew the area (South America) and would be happy to retrieve it.

The details of my journey are fuzzy by now, but I remember it being Indiana Jones as directed by Salvador Dali. I do remember that it turned out to actually be five artifacts, and they all combined to create an oracle of some kind. It was kind of weird. The only other details I remember is being drugged on my flight to Brazil by lady on the plane, and having to run away from Peruvian police officers.

"What do you want to do?"...

I had a brief conversation today with a company that aims to help people find employment. They mentioned the three years experience I had with my previous employment, a call center.

I told them that I wanted a change of fields from the call center environment. They asked the above question...

"What do you want to do?"

I have asked myself that same question several times in the process of looking for work. I keep wanting to give a real answer. Something that sounds like an actual job. Something that people would say "Oh." and not "oh?" to. But every 'answer' that I come up with for that question rings hollow.

If I'm not shooting, if I'm not writing, if I'm not creating...I'm not working. I'm not doing my job. If I could just get it into my head that being an artist is a "real" job...it might actually be my real job.

Zack Arias, one of my favorite photographers, has a quote that I'm going to paraphrase/butcher. "You should be a photographer (artist) not if you don't want to do anything else...but if you can't do anything else." The idea not only being skill, but desire. If you absolutely cannot sit behind a desk. If that thing in your chest only beats when you're creating.

I can't do anything else. I don't want to do anything else. I want to work hard at being a better photographer. I want to go places and take pictures of things. I want to use the talents I've been given to the greatest extent of my ability.

I have another interview with that agency coming up. I fully intend to tell them that. Today is the day that this job becomes my job.

Not a mere hope...

"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:3-4

I turn 27 tomorrow. I've spent my time reflecting on the past, the present, and looking towards the future. After doing that, I went to bed and read that passage above. I set aside my Bible, curled up under my covers and prayed:

"Lord, come back."

The full prayer was, well, fuller. It encompassed a lot. The focus was clear, however. I want to see that reality, here. Now. Before I lose anymore friends or family. Before I get married. Before I have a house of my own. Before I make my first $7,000.

It's not that I don't have faith in this world. It's not that I don't enjoy my life. I have a lot of joy in my life. I am happy to be alive and free. I am not, however, looking forward to mourning the loss of another person. I do not want my heart broken again. I want to see the poor fed, the sick healed. I want to see all the joy that heaven contains...before my eyes.

I want to see untarnished fields. Windswept wild flowers and lakes pure as crystal. It is not a mere hope. It is a passionate desire. My bones ache for these things. I feel my breath catch in my chest when I think about the glory that awaits...but is not here. The glimpses, the shadows, the view through the darkened glass....only deepens the yearning.

I join with all of creation in saying, "Come, Lord Jesus. Come."

"I would love to go out with you, but I apparently signed up for the military"...

I love dreams (when they aren't nightmares) and really wish I could remember all the details to this one I had last night. As always, however, I can't. As always, that's a shame, because this one was epic.

Literally epic. It spawned generations. Sort of. At least one person from every stage of my life was represented. Several friends and family made guest appearances. I was even living in the house I lived in when I was seven.

First of all, in this house my mom had some how managed to find every picture of me growing up and covered one wall in it. One section of it was from all the school plays I was in. Scattered around the house were various artifacts from my youth, my moms youth, and her moms youth. That is not too far off from what my house was like actually growing up, so I was basically dreaming about being seven again.

Only I was my current age. I had some friends over, one of them being my best friend from junior high/high school, Travis. While he and I were playing a video game, I got a phone call telling me to report to somewhere or another to start my military training. Somehow I got signed up to be in the Army. My mom said she'd try to hide me, but I told her I didn't want her getting in trouble.

I was sitting around the table with some friends and we were talking about songs and movies. One of them brought a friend, and she asked me if I had seen the new movie that had just come out. It was a throwback to the old "B" Monster flicks that I love so much. I said no, and she asked if I wanted to go see it.

"I would love to go out with you, but I apparently signed up for the military."

The rest of the dream was spent me running around the house. Doing laundry, organizing the memorabilia. The last thing I was doing before I woke up was watching rain run down the window.

Sanctuary...

The pen I grasp, my rosary
the sketch pad, my altar
Prayers drawn out
in deliberate strokes

The screen my burning bush
hearing the voice of God
spoken through the prophets
Matisse, Picasso, Mann

Reverently, I hold the page
Prayerfully, I adjust the composition
The image will speak
The picture will sing

Contemplation...

What I'm thinking, right now...

-How do I feel about turning 27?
-Lingering thoughts on "the burden of art"
-When to listen, when to ignore
-What does become of the brokenhearted?